Winter
by rossiya
Summary: Ivan Braginski has lost his mind thanks to the want he holds for Alfred F. Jones. Thanks to that insanity, pain is spread wildly.


The sound of cracking bones and screams seem to repeatedly hinder my thoughts... blood splashed rooms, dead bodies lying scattered in their own organs...

A mix of cum, blood and sweat scented the walls for as long as I can remember.

It's kind of funny, isn't it? That I'd love you as much to the point at which I would do terrible things to you, make you suffer, make you hurt everywhere... but what about that one place? It isn't outside. You're such a rock; like a thick layer of steal I can only bend... but never break.

I've never once seen you cry.

All of those times I was so tempted to wrap my arms around you and embrace you, feel the warmth of your skin on mine... all those times you made my chest cave in, made me want to hurt either you or myself...

I still don't understand.

I had raped you once, too. You still simply glare at me with those eyes... those... beautiful blue eyes... and talk the same way as before.

"Commie bastard."

Did it hurt?

Did you enjoy it?

Did you want more?

Why won't you ever answer my questions with a straight answer? You seem to avoid them all. I don't understand.

What am I saying that you don't comprehend?

Is it my accent?

Perhaps it is.

And when I had killed your brothers... you still didn't shed a tear. Did it hurt you? Does the smell of their bodies rotting beside you make you sick?

Does this make me a terrible person?

When I had asked you about them, you spat in my direction. Was that a sign of you anger or your hate for me?

What would I have done... what could I have changed about myself... that would make you fall in love with me as much as I am in love with you?

I don't see why I love you.

You make me envious. Everyone adores you; they love you so much, flock to you even.

You're so confident that nothing can ever stand in your way.

With every mistake you make, you become stronger, while I dwindle and become frail.

It doesn't make sense.

Why are you so blessed and I am not?

What had I done wrong in the past to have made me so... so... damnable? Why does every glance I give to you make me want to explode?

I feel cold.

Colder than I have ever been.

"Alfred," I said, looking over to you from across the room. You had been struggling with the chains around your wrists and ankles for a while now, and I began to see blood dripping on you brown jacket. I sat in a wooden chair next to a small wooden table, sipping occasionally on vodka. The strange thing was, for once the alcohol hadn't been removing my pains, and it was making me a tad irritable. "Don't struggle so much. There's enough blood on the floor as it is."

Again, you spat in my direction.

"Come now, don't be like that." I said, smiling and tilting my head to the side. I saw your eye twitch and your cheeks flush. You were angry with me, weren't you?

"Don't fucking talk to me," you hissed. "Get your fucking sister away from me!"

Oh, right.

I had to kill Natalia... she was becoming a nuisance when I tried to keep you alive. I don't know why, but every time I told her to go home, she disobeyed me and tried to kill you every chance she got.

I couldn't let that happen...

I couldn't let you die...

I wouldn't let you die...

"Isn't she pretty?" I asked. I smiled softly and stood up, walked over to you and kicked the corpse of Natalia into the now half rotten body of Arthur Kirkland.

I knelt down to you and grabbed your chin, digging my gloved fingers into your cheeks and pulling your face close to mine. "She is, isn't she?" I forced you to look at her.

"SH-shit...! Let go of me you sicko-"

I abruptly shoved you back, your head colliding with the concrete wall. I adjusted my scarf on my neck to make myself more comfortable whilst I stood back up. My eyes placed themselves on Natalia's corpse once again.

I had beaten her to death with my faucet pipe, and as a result most of that pretty face wasn't so pretty anymore...

I felt my lips curve downward.

"She is so beautiful...," I told myself. Your shoulders began to tremble viciously; I was certain that this was because I hadn't fed you. "And..."

My gaze shifted to the other side other room, where my sister Yeketrina lay, her body shaking terribly, covered in the blood of Natalia. I thought I had successfully shot her to death; I was apparently mistaken. My smile returned to me.

"Big sister! What are you doing down there?"

Each step I took to enclose our distances had caused another tear to streak down her cheeks. Once I was close enough, I looked down at her. I was a bit concerned. Why would she be crying?

She cried all the time, but why now?

It must have been that she was tired. "Maybe I should help you sleep, sister?"

I heard her whimper in reply. She began to hold her bullet-wounded stomach and with her free hand drag herself the opposite direction to me. Huh? Why would she do that?

My gaze shifted to the metal pipe I had beaten Natalia with. I reached and grabbed it, then raised the metal above my head.

"Good night."

Crunch, crunch, SPLAT!

"All done!" I chirped. I turned back to you. You were wide eyed again- just like when I killed your brothers. I wondered why you would look at me in such a way.

I suddenly heard you stutter, "WH-wh-why... Why... Ivan... Why are you doing this to us...? WH-why are you killing everyone...?" I don't believe I saw fear in your eyes; oh no. That wasn't like you. Instead, I believe I saw sadness.

Was my own sister the one who made you snap?

Had I broke you?

I was surprised.

What was I to do now that I had accomplished what I had intended?

I stared at you blankly for the longest time.

"F-fucker! You communist fucking freak! How could you do this shit to them! Why would you kill your own fucking family! You mother fucking traitor! Fuck you! Fuck this! Fuck you!" you yelled.

It was then that I had noticed.

The liquid that slid down your cheeks. You let your head hang, silent sobs echoing in the awfully quiet room.

I dropped the pipe. The metal made a loud (i clank!) noise as it hit the concrete, then followed by the bouncing of each side to the floor until it quivered to a stop. My eyes had never left your figure.

Was it my fault?

You were angry because of me? I wondered why you hadn't cared about yourself even (i now) of all times. You were even selfless.

And all this time, I had been so selfish.

My gaze finally left you. I shifted my eyes to all the bodies in the room.

Toris, Natalia, Arthur, Yeketrina, Francis, Matthew and even Yao. They lie there. In their blood.

Dead.

I had done this, I realized.

"I... I-I..." I felt my chest cave in on my again. What had I done? Why was I causing so much suffering?

Why had I hurt the person I cherished so much?

A fool. That was what I was. An idiot above all; I had lost my mind... lost everything along it.

How was I to ever gain your love, now? And without you... who could I turn to?

I had killed every one of them. The ones... the ones I could trust, the ones I had loved...

"What have I done?"

And with that, I wrapped my arms around myself and hung my head. I had no idea that you had looked back up to me, looking more than confused.

I was just as confused as you were, if not more.

Life was no longer worth living. I had taken everything I survived for away from myself.

"Wh... What... Why did I... What have I done...?" I repeated.

"What the fuck?" I heard you say. "What have you done? What have you (i done)?"

That tone in your voice. Was it still anger? It didn't quite seem like it. In fact, it was far different a tone I had ever heard from you.

"Are you being serious?"

At that point, I myself had started to cry. I hadn't a clue I was so insane until just then. I still couldn't believe what all had come.

This wasn't what I had worked so hard for. This is not what I wanted.

I wanted to be loved, too.

Like you. I wanted to be like you so badly.

I lifted my head to look at you, locking eyes with yours. You still looked confused. I wondered what you were thinking. Probably about how much you hated me.

I felt my knees buckle and I fell over, barely catching myself on my palms. I let my head hang as a sickly feeling came over me all of a sudden, and I had vomited there. I coughed a few times.

I was already becoming weak. How could I? I was supposed to be strong- big and strong, that way everyone would love me.

Yet...

...no matter how much I tried, I still scared them all away.

The tears flowed more now.

"Ivan..." I heard you say. "...Come... come here."

I sobbed a few times before turning my head your way. I could hardly see you. This liquid that came from my eyes... it was blinding. And it was painful.

It was so painful.

Why had you told me to come to you? After all of this, you still want... a... a murderer near you? Were you not the one who told me not to talk to you, touch you, and be with you? Why would you suddenly change your mind?

As of then, these thoughts hadn't crossed my mind. I wanted comfort dearly. I wanted you to hold me in your arms and tell me it was going to be all right.

I was desperate.

Mindlessly I crawled toward you, avoiding the bodies and their blood to the best of my ability. My stomach muscles were wrenching, I felt sick. I was sick with myself, and the closer I became to you, the dizzier I felt. I came to your knees on my own, keeping my head hung. How could I bare to look you in the eyes?

(i Hold me... Hold me,) I pleaded in my mind. (i Give me your strength.)

"Look at me," you said.

When I raised my head to you, I saw the pity in your eyes. Pity... I was pitiful, wasn't I?

But still.

The look you gave me made you look so beautiful. Your eyes were sparkling- did you notice? Perhaps it was your tears.

"Take these... off of me, Ivan. Hurry."

I listened to you. I forced my weak arms to grab the keys to your chains, which laid beside the body of Toris. They were slippery with blood; I managed to unlock the chains, nonetheless. When you were free, you pulled your arms in front of you and rubbed your wrists. I dropped the keys and looked up at you again.

What were you going to do?

What piece of this puzzle was I missing?

Suddenly, I felt your arms wrap around my shoulders and pull me in. I looked at the concrete wall past your shoulders, left in stunned.

My hands began shaking. I didn't hesitate to take you in my arms in return. "I-I... I'm scared," I told you. "I'm so scared..."

"I know..." you said, gently. "It's okay. Everything will be okay..."

Chink.

"Just don't move."

Blam!

You didn't even notice when I snatched that gun up, did you? I had grabbed it just before I took you in that embrace.

I can't believe you fell for it when I told you to take my chains off. When your face splattered against the floor and your body toppled to the left, I picked up that key you had dropped beside me so carelessly and undid the chains around my ankles.

I smiled at your body.

"We don't want children who can't play nice."


End file.
